The One Where I Hate The World.

Today, I learned a valuable life lesson.

Don't look at the prom pictures of the guy who broke your heart. You will want to cry, regardless of how much fun you had at prom with a different group and a different date, because you will wish that she is you.

You will want to cry regardless of the fact that he led you on for so long and said so many things and had you believing all of his promises and sweet nothings only to tell you that "fyi, nothing's gonna happen" because you're "not attractive enough".

You will want to cry despite the fact that you haven't spoken to him in forever, even though you see him all the time, because you're afraid.

You will want to cry because he is ridiculously attractive (and looks just like Kirk from this season of The Bachelorette. It's true, everybody agrees.) and that one picture of him kissing her stupid cheek under a stupid tree makes you want to barf. Stupidly.

You will want to cry because he looks so relaxed and cool and confident because he's just like that and you wish you could still hang out with him and have his arm around you again, and have him speaking to you all quiet and romantically and promising you so much...even though you still hold a grudge and you will never forgive him and he's basically the scum of the Earth.

So yeah, I'm pissed. More at myself than him at this point. I mean, what did he do? He figured out he didn't like a girl as much as he once had, and she wasn't his girlfriend or anything so he ended it before things got more serious. He broke it off in the stupidest way possible, via a myspace wall post and a text to her best friend, but he broke it off. He was only a sophomore, and her now ex-friends were pressuring the crap out of him, which can't have helped.

 I'm pissed that he's so gorgeous and I can't stop being attracted to him. I'm pissed that I, in some bizarre masochistic fashion, want him to notice me in the hallway at school. I'm pissed that looking at pictures of him and his girlfriend at prom made me depressed, because my date was a sweetheart and we had a ton of fun. I'm pissed that I still think about this guy, and that he chewed up my heart even though we weren't even dating.

I don't like him. I don't want to be his girlfriend. I just want him to never have liked me - or pretended to like me, or whatever it was that he did - I want us to not have this awkward history so that pictures of them don't make me feel like I'm missing out, because I'm not. I'm not missing out, he's an ass. A cute ass, but an ass nonetheless.

I'm sorry if this feels like griping, or me moaning about another stupid high school boy problem (different guy than the last post, though), but I just needed to release the emotions I felt after seeing those photos. Those emotions may not have come out coherently, but I feel better knowing they're out there now.

I really did have an excellent prom. And I'm glad I didn't go with stupid "you're not attractive enough for me" boy. Because I wouldn't have had nearly as much fun.

Thanks for listening.

love,
me.

P.S. And his girlfriend's dress/hair for our prom were really tacky. This cheers me up immensely.